Dear HT, Why Won't My Nephew Kiss Me?

@This_Wifes_Life asked a great question. Being forced to show affection is one of the top 5 problems toddler's face. How would you like it if someone 3-4 times your size cornered you, overwhelmed you with the scent of Victoria's Secret body spray or Drakkar Noir, and tried to come in for a wet one?

Even if you liked this person, you'd be turned off.

I've come up with a list of things you can order to spell this out more clearly:

• pizza


• Chinese food


• back episodes of Gilmore Girls


• useless items from Etsy


• toddler toys from ToysRUs.com

Notice that kisses weren't on the list? Toddlers place a high value on body autonomy. If you're feeling desperate for a sign that your mean something in the life of your nephew consider throwing yourself out of a tree. If he rushes to help you, you're in his inner circle. His wolf pack, so to speak.

I suggest you spend more time buying him gifts and taking him out to ice-cream and less time asking that he press his lips up against your face (ew.).

Sincerely, HT